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The Other Side of Fear

What happens when you actually move towards your Big Audacious Dreams?


This quote by Jack Canfield is particularly pertinent because his BTS seminar in 2017 was my launching point toward my own dreams.

We hear it all the time: "Be brave," "There's nothing to be afraid of," "If you're so scared, then don't do it!" But no one ever steps in to validate our fears and help us overcome them so we can achieve our goals anyway.


What's the deal with that?


Fear is an interesting concept. According to Oxforddictionairies.com, it is "An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat." And as a second addition, it is "A feeling of anxiety concerning the outcome of something or the safety and well-being of someone."


Someone = You (in this instance, at least)


The craziest part about this, when pertaining to our goals and dreams, is that we know our Big Audacious Dreams will make us happy, yet we choose to sit and fester in this unpleasant fear emotion. What's the deal with that?


Let's explore that, shall we?


When we're born, we are this nice squishy thing with nary a preconceived notion about much of anything besides how to eat. Babies don't consciously do much of anything else.


But those that care for us have already established their worries, fears, doubts, and concerns (likely from their parents and caregivers), and those notions are leeched into our little spongy brains instantly. "Don't run [with scissors, by the pool, on the slippery surface]."


It's more than a physical safety issue, though. If you stand out in the crowd, you're likely to be bullied or made fun of. The status quo has been hugely important to the survival of the species, and what good Homo sapiens sapiens would we be if survival wasn't our number one priority?


Possibly the evolutionary equivalent of an entirely new subspecies, if you ask me.


Here's why: Humans, up to this point, have had a need to survive. Infant deaths were a common occurrence until roughly a century ago, people barely lived past the age of 50, doctors didn't wash their hands before poking around in open wounds for the longest time because we didn't have any concept of germs and bacteria until the invention of the microscope which allowed us to see them. And at some point in time, it served us as a species to live life plainly and have a bunch of babies.


But we've outgrown that. People live in houses with heat that flows through the walls, we build bridges that span for miles, have machines that can produce hundreds of objects in seconds. And don't even get me started on modern medicine.


We live in a time where our ancestors would have claimed these feats as miracles or had us tried for witchcraft.


And as much as our lives have been eased and extended, humanity, as a whole, has not evolved much past that survival mindset.


So, how do we overcome this notion that existing outside the status quo is bad?


Well, I'll tell you.


Fear, when it comes to our goals, exists in two parts: The fear of success; and the fear of failure.


Many of us are familiar with that feeling of failure. Anxiety stems from this notion that we'll mess up, that we aren't good enough, and that no one cares about us. This concept stems right back into those definitions listed above and are absolutely valid. Failure proves to us and everyone else that we were wrong.


Failure proves to us and everyone else that we were wrong.

And not only that, it proves to them that they were right to try and stop us.


Not many people talk about the fear of success, though. I'm sure we're all too familiar with the voices of our loved ones telling us about the risks. Their own fear for us seeping in and debilitating our ability to move forward and achieve. It's well-meaning in their minds, but it's killing us every time they open their mouths with thoughts of "What if—?"


After all, why should we be so bold as to achieve our dreams when they couldn't do the same?


But the fear of success goes deeper, still. If we go for our Big Audacious Dreams and succeed, we have suddenly proven to all of the people around us that not only were they wrong, but that they could have been living a happy, successful life if they'd gone out and achieved their dreams, too.


And people do NOT like to be proven wrong or shown that their lives aren't as fulfilling and happy as they could be.


Now, you might say something about your successful uncle who's rich and didn't get there by going for his Big Audacious Dream, and that's fantastic. But the important part about going for your Big Goals and Dreams is the happiness aspect. Is that successful person happy? Are they fulfilled?


Because the biggest and best part about our dreams is that they have something to do with our Passions and our Purpose, and if we take the time to go for those things, our whole lives will be worth it.


So, if you're faced with overcoming the obstacle of fear when it comes to achieving your dreams, here are some of my tips to helping you overcome it:

– Talk to someone with less care and attachment to you than your friends or family members

– Ask yourself what the payoff is if you do not achieve this Big Audacious Dream

– Find someone to support you throughout your journey like an accountability partner, mentor, or coach

– Join groups where people are working towards similar goals

– Live by the rule "Six Seconds of Insane Courage" and make a point to make all major decisions within six seconds


If you have questions on your journey, or need help moving forward, I'm more than happy to sit down with you to discuss all of your options. Let's see a world where people are stepping out of their survival mindset and actually start to thrive in this universe of miracles.

 

Lexi Mohney is a self published author and a book coach living in Ann Arbor, MI. Throughout her writing and coaching career, she's lived by the motto of courage and worked with her own coaches, groups, and support system to see her Big Audacious Dreams come true so she can help others achieve success, too. She's currently got a novel up for an award that will be determined in June, and is in the process of querying agents for her latest novel, Soulkind, which is the first in the Soul Hunter Series. For any and all questions pertaining to her work, contact her through her website or find her on social media.

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